Over three years ago I became involved in my first mom group. A drama free group with positive, uplifting women who have the same shared goal; to raise our babies the best as we can, be the best mothers we can and have a village behind us for the good, the bad, the celebrations and the heartbreak. Every once in a while we would share some things that challenged us not just as mothers, but to dig deep in who we are as individuals. So, this blog is birthed from the work shared by my dear friends Ashley and Erica.
Last month, my friend shared the podcast episodes “Inner Critic Pt. 1” and “Inner Critic Pt. 2” in our mom group community by Rachel Brathen (Inner Heart: Conversations with Yoga Girl). If you are reading this, I promise this is not just a mom focused thing so don’t let me lose you. We discussed these shared podcasts from the lens of “what does your inner critic say?” and “what does your inner best friend say?” The results? Women poured their hearts out and later were able to see how similar they were to those around them but also women were able to see how other people see them… because of course our inner critic tells us a distorted reality.
As a mental health provider it was also eye opening for me. I don’t tend to use these terms; the critic vs the best friend. I have used textbook terms, buzz words, “positive/negative self talk” but nothing as clear and as simplified as this. This new view humanized those parts; the critic and best friend within all of us. Since this work, I have made it a mission to use these terms instead. Now I can’t share what others have shared but as a human first I can say that I was surprised at how much just looking at our negative thoughts vs positive thoughts from this re-frame challenged me, opened me up and made me come face to face with realities I didn’t know how to express previously.  It was hard! I also noticed that when I speak to other people I speak from my “inner best friend,” the kind helper… and how when it comes to me it is so hard to do the same.
As a therapist, I try very hard to practice what I preach but I will admit that the homework I assign to those I sit with isn’t always easy for me. It doesn’t come naturally even if the way I communicate it makes it seem seamless; I wish it were. Many of us question whether we are doing something right. Is it good enough? Am I setting my kid up for success? Is my child’s delay due to something I did? Am I lovable? Does my partner love me? Am I worthy of these relationships?  That, my friends, is the critic. Yes, I think that as humans we should evaluate our decisions and challenges some thoughts but when they become overwhelming to our day to day knowing of ourselves… that is when that critic is speaking. The critic is also the one that tells you things to make you feel less than… like an inner bully. “You suck. You’re worthless. Not good enough. You are a failure. You aren’t smart enough. No one cares”. The inner best friend is supportive and loving and kind- the encourager.
So, I have homework for you….

• Take out a piece of paper.
• Title one side of it “My Inner Critic”
• Title the back of the paper “My Inner Best Friend”
• Under each title, write what each part says. I prefer to start with the critic because my best friend is much kinder and much more of what I believe and know to be true.
• What did you come up with?

*Please note, if this brings about tears or difficult emotions it is also bringing awareness to those areas. Seek counseling if the inner critic is loud and distressing days after the activity.
Speak to yourself from your inner best friend. Be kind to yourself.


You can find more information about “the inner critic vs the inner best friend” by exploring Rachel Brathen’s website,  her podcast, blog or one of her many books (Rachelbrathen.com).

 
Seasonal Effect Disorder (now referred to as Depressive Disorder with Seasonal Pattern)commonly effects about 5% of the population commonly beginning between the ages18-30; more common among women than men. While most of us in the northern region are effected by lessening of light (vitamin D) during the fall and winter months and change in our circadian rhythms due to the increase in darkness, SAD is different than “the winter blues.” Common symptoms of SAD include fatigue, even with too much sleep, and weight gain associated with overeating and carbohydrate cravings. SAD symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include many symptoms similar to major depression, such as:
    Feeling of sadness or depressed mood
    Marked loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
    Changes in appetite; usually eating more, craving carbohydrates
    Change in sleep; usually sleeping too much
    Loss of energy or increased fatigue despite increased sleep hours
    Increase in restless activity (e.g., hand-wringing or pacing) or slowed movements and speech
    Feeling worthless or guilty
    Trouble concentrating or making decisions
    Thoughts of death or suicide or attempts at suicide


The APA recommends diagnosis of SAD through the following criteria:

• Depression and other symptoms that have occurred for at least two consecutive years, during the same season every year.
• The periods of depression have been followed by periods without depression.
• There are no other explanations for the changes in mood or behavior.

Treatment:
While SAD symptoms can lessen without treatment with the change of seasons into spring treatments for SAD include light therapy using a UV light that simulates the sun. It is recommended to sit within 2 feet of the light in the morning from fall through winter months for min. 20 minutes per day. Therapy (especially CBT) can assist in identifying and managing symptoms. Use of SSRI medications(antidepressants). Spending time outside- fresh air! Eating healthfully. Other suggestions include taking supplements including multivitamins, vitamin D,B-Complex Vitamins, fish oil or use of essential oils including lemon, lavender, chamomile, rose, etc. While symptoms have the potential to last up40% of the year, the change in season into spring and later into summer can bring relief, increasing energy and boosting serotonin.